1254 837 RACHEL HERCMAN

When Work Makes Sex More Work

When it comes to a person’s sex life, I find it important not just to look at sexual functioning but to zoom out and look at how sex fits into the conceptualization of who a person is and what their personality is like. Sex can be a space that’s both a departure from typical personality…

read more
2160 1440 RACHEL HERCMAN

Unstaged Grief

Since the beginning of time, grief has been part of the human experience. Living in a pandemic right now, the topic of grief is coming up more, in a way that is collective and cumulative. It’s collective in that we are facing losses together, a horizontal dynamic in that we dealing with this all at…

read more
1920 1280 RACHEL HERCMAN

Emotional Privilege

Privilege. It’s a special right or advantage that not everyone has. We have various examples of privilege around us. Over the years I’ve come to see that there’s something called Emotional Privilege. Emotional Privilege means that you have safe spaces and people in your life where you can be yourself and share your emotions and…

read more
2160 1440 RACHEL HERCMAN

Intimacy Is More Than Sex

When people hear the word ‘intimacy’, they often think of sex. ‘Intimacy’ and ‘sex’ are often used interchangeably but they don’t mean the same thing. This is more than just a semantics thing, and people don’t always see the nuance and difference between the two, and expect others to know what they are talking about…

read more
2160 1440 RACHEL HERCMAN

Numbness & Overwhelm: Two Sides of the Same Coin

Let’s talk about numbness and overwhelm being two sides of the same coin. We have been dealing with a pandemic, and as a New York City resident this has been a reality for us for the last two and a half months.  I have found in many conversations with people that this pandemic has created…

read more
1592 1194 RACHEL HERCMAN

Addiction: An Equal Opportunity Affliction

I recently read a powerful memoir about opioid addiction called, “As Needed For Pain: A Memoir of Addiction”, by Dan Peres. It was reflective, funny, and insightful, and leaves the reader with many lessons on addiction. Opioid addiction is often preceded by a prescription that is legal and medically-indicated. Perhaps the person had surgery or…

read more
2048 1365 RACHEL HERCMAN

The Perfectionism Freezer

I wish I could say that I haven’t written blogposts over the last few months because I was busy traveling to exotic destinations where I was too busy or didn’t have internet access. The truth is that I didn’t write because I had writer’s block. For me, writer’s block stems from a perfectionistic mindset in…

read more
2160 1440 RACHEL HERCMAN

The Megaphone of Oppression: Emotional Effects of Social Media

Before social media, you didn’t know for sure what your neighbors and friends thought. Not anymore. These days, we learn what those around us think and feel in public statuses and comments. And if you’re part of a minority– religion, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity– it can be downright scary seeing what people say with no…

read more
2015 1440 RACHEL HERCMAN

Keeping Sex Vibrant: The Interplay of Living and Loving

If I had to sum up the challenges of sexuality in marriage, it would be a borrowed quote from Dr. Jack Morin, author of “The Erotic Mind”. He defines eroticism as “the interplay of sexual arousal with the challenges of living and loving.” What are challenges of living that can get in the way of…

read more
150 150 RACHEL HERCMAN

Feeling Annoyed vs. Feeling Activated

The question of what progress looks like is one that comes up often in session. What are reasonable goals? How do we know if issues are resolving? Do you just know you’re doing better, or does someone else have to point it out to you? One way that many clients will see progress is when…

read more
1115 1280 RACHEL HERCMAN

Living through Current Events, Living in the News

The news is generally not a source of feel-good information, but lately I have seen both in myself and others that the content and proliferation has a way of really affecting us. Whether or not the world has become scarier or we just know more about it is a different discussion. But the way our…

read more
612 408 RACHEL HERCMAN

“It’s like hitting a wall”: Vaginismus and the Unconsummated Relationship

Vaginismus is one of those conditions that sounds so obscure and ‘out there’, yet the odds are that you or someone you know has been affected by it. Vaginismus is what happens when there are involuntary muscular contractions in the vaginal wall, making penetration very difficult or even impossible. In addition to difficulty with penetration…

read more
1516 963 RACHEL HERCMAN

Living from the Neck Up

Intelligence is a true gift. The ability to view a situation rationally and with clarity is a key part of maturing and dealing with issues in life. But in therapy, I often find myself working with people dealing with issues where what they know doesn’t seem to heal what they feel. And so they feel torn, conflicted,…

read more
1200 800 RACHEL HERCMAN

5 Marriage Truths from FX’s “The Americans”

(This article was originally published on Yourtango.com) Last week, I said goodbye to Phillip and Elizabeth Jennings as “The Americans” wrapped up its amazing six-year run on FX. I’m really going to miss the plot twists, disguises, awesome 80’s wardrobe, retro answering machines, and tape recorders. But more than that, I am going to miss…

read more
1536 1024 RACHEL HERCMAN

Living Life at Full Speed

Trauma often comes up in my work, but it’s not necessarily the reason why the person decides to come to therapy. Maybe there was something else going on that seemed unrelated. A relationship or sexual issue. A job challenge. A religious or spiritual crisis. Body image struggles. A loss. Confusion about life. But I’ve come…

read more
1024 630 RACHEL HERCMAN

Phone Boundaries

So last night I did that thing you’re not supposed to do. I read the news on my phone right before I went to sleep. I didn’t have a hard time falling asleep, but I woke up feeling anxious. And anxiety doesn’t just exist in thought; I felt it in my entire body- my chest,…

read more
357 229 RACHEL HERCMAN

Dealing with the Splash of Relatives

Holidays can be an enjoyable time but stressful too. In therapy, holiday time– both before and after– often brings up discussions related to family dynamics. Sometimes, a client will share about a parent who is highly-regarded in the community for their generosity, wisdom etc, and the children are often told how they have such an…

read more
700 370 RACHEL HERCMAN

Can You Feel The Love Tonight…….And be okay with it?

Today’s post was inspired by a Disney playlist this morning, compliments of Amazon Alexa. “The Lion King” has a great soundtrack and I have probably heard it hundreds of times. But this morning, some of the lyrics jumped out at me in a new way (I know, such a therapist thing to say). When Simba…

read more
636 390 RACHEL HERCMAN

The Elephant in Your Bedroom

Addressing sexual concerns can be awkward. After all, it can be uncomfortable talking about sex. The thing is, relationships with sexual issues suffer. And as the years go on, the sexual issues give birth to other relationship problems that become their own entities. So many things can get in the way of building and sustaining…

read more
620 349 RACHEL HERCMAN

Broke Up and Feeling Broken

Relationship breakup is an issue that often comes up in my work. Breakups—whether it be a brief courtship, a long dating relationship, a committed marriage—can bring on a mix of emotions that may fluctuate. But somewhere, somehow, many of us have internalized this notion that life events should be experienced one emotion at a time,…

read more
1600 500 RACHEL HERCMAN

Marriage: It’s Like Riding a Bike

Among the many myths that come along with marriage is the notion that once the search is over, the work over. That once you finally find that person, you can take a breath of relief, because the hard part is behind you. Some people experience some ‘beginner’s luck’ in the beginning of a relationship: You…

read more
587 477 RACHEL HERCMAN

Permission to Feel Pain

“It could be worse.” “At least it’s not ______.” “I should just look for the bright side, right?” It may sound strange, but there are many people who don’t feel like they are allowed to be in emotional pain. Something difficult may be happening to them but they don’t feel like they have a legitimate…

read more
2880 1800 RACHEL HERCMAN

Kneading out the Not’s

Recently, I was walking down Broadway and passed a local beauty salon and I decided to get a back massage. My back had been bothering me, I had a break between clients, and I try to squeeze in self-care when I can. There were moments during the massage where it was just painful. Kneading out…

read more
300 168 RACHEL HERCMAN

Good Things Come to Those Who Notice Them

I really like online shopping. It’s quick, it’s efficient, and I can do it at 1am in my pajamas. The thing is, I’ve noticed that I find myself easily rationalizing why I need something when a minute ago, I was totally fine without it. Suddenly, something seems necessary, retroactively making what I currently have inadequate.…

read more
1590 995 RACHEL HERCMAN

Replaying Relationship Fumbles

I wouldn’t exactly call myself a football “fan” but I appreciate watching a good game and I do loosely follow what’s going on in the NFL. I find that ideas in football, like many other sports, can offer lessons on life and love; perhaps that’s part of what makes sports movies meaningful. NFL games today…

read more
886 289 RACHEL HERCMAN

The Harvey Weinstein Saga and Courageous Clarity

As I write this, the media is saturated with articles about Harvey Weinstein and his problematic behavior that was widely known for decades in Hollywood. Many are questioning how people could know this about Mr. Weinstein yet proceed with business as usual. One of the best answers I’ve read is by Scott Rosenberg (seen here:…

read more
845 480 RACHEL HERCMAN

“I Carried a Watermelon” Moments

One of my favorite movies is “Dirty Dancing” and as one of those people who can glean a life lesson from even the most random places, I turn to one of my favorite scenes from the movie. In this earth-shattering scene towards the beginning of the movie, Baby Houseman spots Jonny Castle dancing at a…

read more
200 150 RACHEL HERCMAN

9/11, Trauma, and Overrated Closure

As I sit here on September 12th, my mind is still marinading in the surge of 9/11 thoughts and feelings I’ve been experiencing. 9/11 was a traumatic event for the American people. But not all Americans were traumatized; not all 9/11 survivors were traumatized. There were people who walked away from that day and were…

read more
2048 1365 RACHEL HERCMAN

The Real Deal on Therapy

Perspectives on therapy- and what it says about you as a person– have such a range. There are those who talk about going to therapy the way they’ll talk about going to the gym, to those who nervously look over their shoulder as they enter the office suit, and everything in between. And then there…

read more
2160 1440 RACHEL HERCMAN

Inside and Out

My clients often share similar feelings about the frustrations they feel in their respective challenges.  A common sentiment is, “Overall, my life is going well and an outsider may think I have it all together, but they really have no clue what I struggle with and that I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin.”…

read more