The Elephant in Your Bedroom

The Elephant in Your Bedroom


Addressing sexual concerns can be awkward. After all, it can be uncomfortable talking about sex. The thing is, relationships with sexual issues suffer. And as the years go on, the sexual issues give birth to other relationship problems that become their own entities.

So many things can get in the way of building and sustaining a satisfying sex life. Sex means different things to different people and can mean different things at different points in a relationship. In other words, its role is constantly evolving, and one of the challenges in a relationship is how to keep it integrated and vibrant while there are so many other forces at play.

There’s who you are as distinct individuals, who you are as a couple, what you’re dealing with in your professional lives, stressors in your families of origin, scheduling conflicts, physical and medical factors, fatigue. And then there’s stress. Lots of stress. Like you can never get a break.

Teasing out these issues can feel daunting, but the first step to change is getting a sense of what the obstacles are to things getting better. When I work with individuals or couples in these situations, the work starts with understanding what is happening and conceptualizing where the sex fits into the larger context. What your ideal vision is. What has gotten in the way. Where the disconnect is. And most of all, where there is space for healing.