Today’s post was inspired by a Disney playlist this morning, compliments of Amazon Alexa.
“The Lion King” has a great soundtrack and I have probably heard it hundreds of times. But this morning, some of the lyrics jumped out at me in a new way (I know, such a therapist thing to say).
When Simba and Nala reunite, Timon and Pumba break into song:
I can see what’s happening
And they don’t have a clue
They’ll fall in love and here’s the bottom line
Our trio’s down to two.
Timon and Pumba were having a hard time watching their buddy Simba fall in love. “Our trio’s down to two” conveys that what they saw was not just that Simba’s life was changing, but that their lives and their emotional attachments would be changing too.
What happened to being all “Hakuna Matata”?
Sometimes, it’s hard for people to watch their friends and family members get into a relationship. They may have concerns about the compatibility and have healthy fears about the person they love having their heart broken. It very possibly may not be a great match.
But sometimes, lurking beneath can be fear of change and fear of being alone. For a group of friends, there can be a fear that their newly-in-love friend will no longer care about them as much and will now have other priorities. In families, there may [unacknowledged] fears that the new relationship will lead their loved one to become more independent– something that can be healthy but also frightening.
Years ago, a wise sage told me that the expression, “A friend in need is a friend indeed” is not accurate. He said that it’s not hard to be there for your friend when they are in the dumps and you get to feel good about yourself for showing up as the rescuer with Ben n’ Jerry’s in tow. But when your friend is in a happy place? And if it’s something you want too or it means that your relationship with them may change? To be there for them in their happiness and success is a whole other level of friendship.
I often hear from clients who have had experiences where they had friends and family who had a hard time being happy for their courtship, and in some cases it resulted in drama, pain, and ruptured relationships. Sure, there may have been legitimate concerns for the relationship, and friends and family can play a very crucial role in broaching red flags that may be glossed over due to being a romantic daze. But “I’m saying this because I love you” comes across in a more effective way when the speaker has done a deep scan of their own agendas, insecurities, and fears.
(Spoiler!) Simba does become king again and Timon and Pumba stuck by their buddy.